Episode 1: What is Balanced Parenting? The Framework

Let’s explore the concept of balanced parenting a bit!

Listen, our children only get one childhood with us, and WE only get one short period where we are parents. My hope for this podcast is that you will find support in creating a life that you don’t feel that you need to escape from, one where you actually enjoy these years with your kids, even when they are hard and demanding. I want to help you create a childhood for your kids that they don’t have to recover from, like we did. And I want to help you nourish your relationships with the adults in your life, like your friends and your partner, so that when the kids are grown and you emerge that you actually have deep, connected, fulfilling relationships. And most importantly, I want to help you come back to yourself and start showing up in your life as the fullest most vibrant and authentic version of you! I’ve worked with TOO MANY moms whose kids are leaving for college and they have no idea what to do with themselves or who they even are without that role. Being a mother is a part of me, but it’s not all of me, I am so much more, and I know you are too.

That’s what I mean by balance.

So, if you are wanting to bring more balance into your everyday life, if you are engaged in learning the art of returning to balance, I want to give you a framework that can guide you through that process. So let me introduce you to the Balanced Parenting Framework. The Balanced Parenting Framework is composed of Two Anchors and Three Supportive Practices. If you are a visual person I would highly recommend going to the shownotes where you will find a link to a post where you can actually see what this framework looks like. The two anchors of Balanced Parenting are the Self and Relationships. Human beings are driven to seek autonomy and relatedness, it is a human developmental imperative that we come to know ourselves on a deeper level and that we seek deep fulfilling connection with others. This truth is at the very foundation of modern psychology, and learning to how to be connected yet separate is at the very core of Balanced Parenting.  The balance between Self and Relationships is maintained and supported skills, tools and practices that fall into three categories: Boundaries, Compassion, and Mindfulness. These are concepts and practices work together to support you in feeling centered, grounded, and balanced. They are things that you can come back to or fall back on, and as you get practiced in using them they are what hold you up and keep you from getting knocked off kilter by the things that life throws at you. These are the things that allow you to be adaptable and resilient. I will dig into each of these in depth in future episodes, but I want to give a brief overview now so that you can know what to expect from this podcast.

A well-balanced life consists of a firm sense of Self and healthy Relationships with others, and those are the two Anchors of Balanced Parenting.

 SELF

Self refers to your identity and awareness of who you are and your purpose in this life, but it also has to do with taking care of yourself, nourishing your soul, understanding who you are and why you are the way you are at a deeper level. And it also has to do with recognizing that the self is where your true power lies, this is where you truly have influence, and this is where effort for change should be focused. And growth and healing the self is a crucial piece of this. If you want to have a well-balanced life then you really must start by turning inward and come to know yourself and how to care for yourself and how to heal yourself so that you can show up in your relationships and in your life as the most whole version of you.

 RELATIONSHIPS 

Relationships refers to the system of connections you have with others in your life, your kids, your partner, your friends and family,

If you are looking for balance, then you simply must start seeing yourself and your family as embedded in a series of systems. Even with in your own body you are a system and how one piece or part of you is doing affects the other parts of you. If you pull a muscle in your thigh and you start compensating by limping, it makes sense that another part of your body may also start to hurt since you’re relying on it in a new way. The same is true of our families, and I’m sure you’ve seen that in your own life. When you have a bad day and are snappish, your kids bicker more. If your partner is stressed over something at work it “leaks” into the family. This is all well established in family studies and child development research, and it’s crucial for you to become aware of the interconnected nature of humanity. And, because of this interconnected nature, when you focus on the connection, on your relationships, on creating deeply nourishing and authentic bonds with others, you feel more balanced, grounded, and fulfilled.

So then these two Anchors of Self and Relationship are supported by the practices of Boundary Setting, Compassion, and Mindful Awareness.

Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits that we set, with ourselves and others, that protect our own well-being or the well-being of a relationship. You are going to hear about boundaries a lot from me, whether its in the context of parenting, mother in laws, or simply as the deepest form of self-care you can practice, I am going to help you get super good at setting and holding loving, compassionate boundaries.

Compassion

The next supporting practice is compassion. I truly believe that compassion for your self and others is the antidote for suffering, because I have seen it’s transformative effect in my own life and relationships. It is a balm that you can offer to yourself and lens through which you can view the world. You will hear a lot about compassion, especially self-compassion, on this podcast because I truly believe it is indispensible to creating and living a well balanced life.

Mindfulness

And then finally we have mindfulness, and let me be super clear on what I mean by that. Here we are talking about bringing mindful, non-judgmental, awareness to your self, your thoughts, and to your interactions and relationships. While we will be talking about meditation from time to time, that’s only one small part of mindfulness. I’m talking about cultivating an ability become more fully aware and present in our lives and relationships.

Click here for more info on the Balance Parent Framework!