Episode 222: How to Stay Grounded and Resilient when Parenting through Hard Times with Christine Tylee
/In this heartfelt episode of The Balanced Parent Podcast, we’ll dive into how to stay connected to joy and authenticity during life’s hardest moments. I am joined by Christine Tylee, author of The Glitter Philosophy book and resilience coach, who helps busy women rediscover joy and model it for their children. Christine shares her powerful journey supporting her daughter through leukemia while navigating her own health challenges and offers practical tools for avoiding toxic positivity while staying joyful and embracing true resilience.
Here’s a summary of what we discussed:
How to validate challenges, embrace compassion, and support kids
How to train your "inner Google" to focus on positivity
How to balance recognizing the positive without slipping into toxic positivity
How mindset and habits foster growth through challenge
How siblings cope with a family member facing illness and how to support them
Resources:
If you're looking to connect with Christine and learn more about her resources, visit her website at christinetylee.com, follow her on Facebook @christinetylee, and check out her Instagram @christinetylee.
Remember, no matter the challenges, staying connected to joy and authenticity builds resilience and helps you navigate life’s toughest moments.
TRANSCRIPT
Parenting is often lived in the extremes. It's either great joy or chaotic, overwhelmed. In one moment, you're nailing it and the next you're losing your cool. I want to help you find your way to the messy middle, to a place of balance. You see balance is a verb, not a state of being. It is a thing you do. Not a thing you are. It is an action, a process, a series of micro corrections that you make each and every day to keep yourself feeling centered. We are never truly balanced. We are engaged in the process of balancing.
Hello, I'm Dr. Laura Froyen and this is The Balanced Parent Podcast where overwhelmed, stressed out and disconnected parents go to find tools, mindset shifts and practices to help them stop yelling at the people they love and start connecting on a deeper level. All delivered with heaping doses of grace and compassion. Join me in conversations that will help you get clear on your goals and values and start showing up in your parenting, your relationships, your life with openhearted authenticity and balance. Let's go!
Laura: Hello, everybody. This is Doctor Laura Froyen, and on this week's episode of The Balanced Parent Podcast, we are going to be talking about how to make it through the really hard times in our lives without losing our connection to joy, our ability to be our happy selves and helping our kids through those hard times too. How can we work through these moments in our lives that we all face in a variety of forms, and support ourselves and our kids, to remain true and positive without slipping into that toxic positivity. So to help me with this conversation, I have Christine Tylee. She is going to tell us about her experiences and how she's figured out how to do this for her family as they've gone through some of the hardest things that a parent can imagine. So, Christine, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here. Why don't you tell us a little bit more about who you are and what you do? And then we're going to get right into how we do this, go through hard times and stay and stay our joyful selves.
Christine: Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. It is a pleasure to be here. And, I guess, let's start by, I'll go through and explain a little bit about our background and where we're coming from and, and what tools we have that, you know, we've discovered that have really been making a huge difference. So, a few years ago when my middle child, my daughter Sophie was 6, she was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. And it was a massive shock. She'd been a bubbly, sporty, active, little Aussie girl. And she, you know, she was into every sport. You name it, she did it. And then she had a series of ear infections. And, you know, Aussies are in and out of the pool, but she hadn't even been swimming, so, you know, we didn't even know how we were. She was getting these ear infections from. And by the 3rd ear infection in a row, you know, we went back to the doctor and I said, I think there's something more going on.
And our doctor agreed and she said, yeah, let's send her for a blood test. And 4 hours after the blood test, the doctor called and said, You have to drop everything and race her from wherever you are right now, race her directly to the children's hospital. And I was driving at the time, so she wouldn't tell me what she suspected was going on. And, I don't even remember the drive, so God knows what I was doing on the road. But I got to the hospital and my husband and my best friend, one of my best friends, were there waiting for us, so I had my two other children with me. And it turns out that my friend had my children for several days before we surfaced because shortly after arriving at the hospital where our doctor had called ahead, there was actually a nurse waiting for us at reception, and I thought, oh my goodness, what on earth is this?
Because, I don't know what it's like in the US, but 8 to 12 hours. Yeah. No, 8 to 12 hours to get through an emergency ward would be good. So to get through the emergency ward in under 5 minutes is unheard of, and that's when I knew, oh my God, this is serious. But racing through my mind was, oh, is this something contagious? You know, why, why are they racing us through so quickly? But, you know, once we were through shortly afterwards, we were met by somebody whose name badge said pediatric oncology, and that's when it hit me. They suspect cancer. And, that's when our lives turned upside down and inside out. And I was faced with this. immense feeling of, am I enough to do this? How am I going to support her? I had an, she was 6, I had an 8 year old and a nearly 3-year-old as well. How are we going to get through this as a family? And I decided, well, I'm gonna have to learn all there is to know about positivity, because we are facing this with every ounce of positivity we can muster, because we were told that night that unless we started chemotherapy therapy immediately, she would likely have less than 2 weeks to live. So I knew that we had a huge battle ahead of us, and it did turn into 2.5 years. Marathon. Facing a cancer diagnosis for a child really is like, you know, hitting the ground running on a marathon you didn't train for. So it is hard work. And so I almost instantly started, studying everything I could find about the science of positivity and happiness. I have a master's degree in education, so I was able to piggyback on that. And do all sorts of certifications and professional development courses. I studied, I even studied.
Laura: I don't know the first thing I'm thinking is I just don't even know. I think so many parents. would find themselves just. In survival mode, going through the motion. And so, I mean, even just, I I'm so grateful you're sharing your story, and I'm, I'm curious about how you were able to to pull yourself out of that survival mode to make intentional choices in this moment of crisis, cause I think that that's something in and of itself that is really hard to do.
Christine: Yeah, and I think, I think that's how I approached survival mode. My survival was, I have to be the best version of myself to be able to get through this for her, for and for the family. And, don't get me wrong, there were a few days there where I didn't see sunshine, I didn't eat properly. I was absolutely in crisis mode for a few weeks, you know, just existing was all I could do. But then I learned from those around me as well. And took my inspiration from a couple of teenage girls that we met on the ward who were terminal, who knew they were terminal, who approached life with the most incredible outlook that I have ever had the privilege of witnessing. And it was, Oh, gosh, I still, sorry, I still find this a little emotional to talk about, but I'm tearing up.
Laura: Just thinking about those teenage girls and their wisdom.
Christine: One of these girls, I sat down with her mother and said, How is she doing it? She's just the light on this ward. She's just happy and bubbly and you know, her mother said to me that it was, her daughter has learned how to look for the glitter in her day. And that just lit a spark in me that I thought, right, if this incredible young woman, she was 1415, unfortunately, didn't, didn't leave to see her 16th birthday. But she could smile, she could laugh, she could raise funds for others, she could make a difference in the world and, It's the most inspirational thing I've ever seen. And I thought, right, that is my hero. And we've brought her light into our world, and it changed our, it changed our lives, witnessing that. And we live our day every day from that day on, from meeting that girl. To exist for the sparkle, to find the joy, and it turns out that translating gratitude to my six year old, through the lens of finding sparkles, was magical. And she went from being terrified about every procedure and what she was facing, and missing her friends, she didn't get back to school for a very long time. And it just wasn't safe for her to be in a school environment.
To begin, this incredible, incredible light for the world, where she, we'd get to the end of some days and, I would think, oh my goodness, how are we gonna find the sparkle today? And I would think, she can't even lift her head off the pillow. She could barely even talk. And at the end of the day, she would say to me, Mommy, where's our glitter journal? I have so many sparkles from today. And it's just She just became my gut, because the way that she could. You know, it's like, I don't know if you've seen those Instagram filters where you can just put sparkles over the world, and it's like, oh my goodness, this child can put sparkles over the world. And it was our treasured time in the day to sit down together, well, usually lying down on a hospital bed together with our glitter journal, and we would be writing in our highlights from the day. And, you know, there's, I came across so much science about the power of gratitude, but by finding the glitter in our day, I feel like we were turbocharging gratitude because it wasn't just the things that we were grateful for, but we were training our brains to scan our day for the highlights and the good things.
Laura: Because our brains and kind of more naturally look for those negative.
Christine: Yeah, that's right. And in a situation like that, it's so easy to fall into that habit of focusing on the hard stuff. And, this little six year old brain just was able to switch to this filter of positivity in this tough environment where she was scared about so many things. But because she treasured that moment at the end of our day when we would be focusing on it, I guess. She was training her brain to be constantly thinking about it because she was enjoying that special time together. And by doing that, She can now, honestly, when people ask her about her experience, her memories from that time are so positive. It's like, oh wow, we had clowns come to our room and we got to sit in television, and I got to, sometimes the hospital let me choose the movie for the day. And you know, like, she can just spout for ages.
Laura: How old is she now?
Christine: She's just turned 14, and so she was, it was 6, 7, and 8 when we were, was her age when we were going through this. And, now she's, New South Wales, which is our state here in Australia, she's the young woman of the year for our entire state last year. And, because she has formed this as her mission to spread, spread this, attitude to others and this focus of sparkles, and she does a lot of fundraising because she wants to help other children that had to face what she did and add sparkles to their day. And, so it's sort of become a bit of a mission with, I've, created what I call the glitter philosophy, and it's a, you know, a, a movement where we are, Looking to add highlights to our day and in all different aspects of our, of our lives. And, she's doing it, you know, focusing through her a journal that we've created for children that helps parents with this process. And I've written the glitter philosophy book that helps adults more so with the process because we need to be their guiding light and help train them.
Laura: Yeah, and it's hard to teach a child to do something that we don't know how to do ourselves, right? But we can learn alongside them. I have a question for you, so. I'm just, I'm thinking about our beautiful listeners right now hearing this story. And so often when we hear the story of others' struggles that really put ours into perspective, it can be very tempting to minimize our own struggles because there's no way they're at that level, although perhaps some of the listeners are at that level. I know I, personally have gone through some really difficult times with my kids, with my own health. And we have this tendency again, to compare and to minimize and say, well, if they could do it, there must be something wrong with me because I'm not dealing with half that. And I can't do this. They just must be so much better than me. They might, you know, and so we, I wanted, I was hoping you could speak to that tendency of ours to to minimize our own challenges and to be hard on ourselves in the face of really, you know, having our stuff put into into perspective and how can we make folks approach that in a way that is kind and compassionate to themselves and and acknowledges that things can be hard in a variety of ways for everybody and there's no I don't know, no cap on on suffering in the world, you know.
Christine: Yeah, yeah, that's right, and I think that's one of the, the biggest aspects of our mission is so many people say, oh, I could never, I could never do what you. Do or I could never deal with what you've dealt with and or people say to me, oh, you know, we haven't had to face what you have, but, you know, we're dealing with this or that, and there's so many things like a, a diagnosis of a neurodivergent, disorder, or it could be. That they're really worried about their child who, you know, is suffering bullying at school, or, you know, it could be, you know, I have parents come to me, you know, saying, um, there's not really anything we're facing, but I'm just worried that my child's always negative. How do you help them to be positive? Or they, they really struggle to see the good in, um, their day, or they just seem always flat, you know, all these, all these things that, um, you know, other moms, and they always say to me, Oh, I know it's not what you've had to deal with, but how the hell did you get, you know, if you had to deal with that and you got this outcome. I'm not dealing with half of that. How do I get that outcome?
And, and it's, it's wonderful that I guess I've made myself so open and available so that people feel vulnerable enough to be able to, to share help. How do I help my child, even though it's not so much, how do I help? And, and that's where, you know, really simple things can make a profound difference. It's, and I always share that, I talk about the reticular activating system, the bundle of nerve fibers in the back of the brain, which is really, it's a, it's how I learned the science of to simplify this process. It's basically our inner Google. And if we can train Google that this is what we're looking for in our day and learn how to focus on the good things, It's, it, everything becomes easy, and whatever you're going through can be easier to process through and help your child process. All you need is to unlock the keys to training your inner Google.
Laura: What are some of the things we can do to train, train our or in our Google.
Christine: It's funny, isn't it? When you, when you know what you're trying to do and you, you put it into a way that we all understand, it's actually not that hard to do. And, parents feel so relieved. It's like, oh, okay, I can, I can do that. And, so it's things like helping your child to focus on finding them, the glitter in their day, and whether you, depending on the age of the child, how the conversation may vary, and you may choose to use the word gratitude. We like the word glitter, and it helps us link in, that, that concept of sparkles. And, so helping, helping them, the need to find three things. So we have, you know, put this into a journal format that makes it easier for parents, but it doesn't have to be. You don't have to go and buy the, you know, the journal. You could do a family meeting at the end of each day over dinner, and everybody has to share their highlights from the day. It can be a conversation. It could be that you, you create your, your glitter jar, and at the end of each day you write just one thing down and put it in the jar, and then on a really tough day, you sit down and go, oh wow, look at all these great things. You go through and read all the great things that have happened.
And because it's so easy with the negativity bias in our brain to dwell on the things that have gone wrong. But if you know at the end of the day, you're gonna have to write down or report verbally back what your highlights from the day were, all of a sudden, you're looking at your day from a different lens and finding the highlights and reporting on those, especially if you're doing it just before bed, then it can stop some of that ruminating that can happen. And, that dwelling that not just adults do. Our kids can do it too. So that's one of the biggest tools to help train you in Google.
Laura: Can I ask you a question about how to find a balance between seeing and recognizing the positive. So that you don't get mired in the negative, right? But also holding space for stuff that really can be hard. Like, how do you find a balance there, without, you know, so that you're not slipping into that place of Like, yeah, that was hard but here here's the positive, like, you know, like there's this, you know, there's this risk of turning into toxic positivity, which can be really invalidating to the live reality of of an experience. So how can you find the nuance and the balance with that?
Christine: Yeah, that's, that's a really, really good and important question, because too many people are of the view that you have to be happy to be positive. And I argue that that is the wrong way to view it. You can be saad and devastated and still be able to find the good in a bad situation, and it's not that you, Have to always be happy. That is when you will stray into that danger zone where you'll feel like you're failing at life and failing at this positivity thing, and that's then where people throw it out with the bathwater. And if you acknowledge that, yeah, sometimes life sucks, like, you know, sometimes things happen that are, nobody would wish on their worst enemy, but if you. Can't learn to, to find the positivity in a bad situation and allow yourself, it's okay to be sad, but if you can't train yourself to find something good to hold on to, then I worry that that's when it's too easy to slip into those really bad mind spaces where it can take a lot of help and or a lot of time to drag yourself out of. And that's where a practice like this isn't diminishing the hard stuff that we go through. It's not saying you can't be sad, you can't be, you know, feeling down. But if you allow yourself to dwell in that, for too long, that's not healthy, and it's not helpful for you, it's not helpful for your child, and those around you. So if you can understand that being, being positive and sad can exist at the same time, then my job's done.
Laura: Yeah, I really like that invitation into the and that it's not an either you know, you're, yeah, so it's really a both and I really like that that you can, you don't have to be happy to be positive. I really like that a lot.
Christine: And I think that's what most people don't understand. But if you can learn to exist when you're going through tough times, you can learn to exist in the sadness, the fear, the overwhelm. And the positivity, that's when the positivity will drag you out of the sadness and overwhelm over time.
Laura: And it might, it may not change anything about the exact situation that you're in, but it'll make it more sustainable. I think, you know, when I'm thinking about the difference between like sitting in your feelings and wallowing in your feelings, right? So being able to acknowledge, yes, this is hard, and there's stuff I'm learning. There's also, you know spring is happening in my side of the world, you know, like there's being able to, it increases capacity for sitting with and being with the hard times as opposed to being, you know, succumbing to them. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm hearing you say.
Christine: Yeah, and that's how I've interpreted the difference between my style of positivity and not straying into toxic positivity, where it's like, rah rah, right, you know, my child's got cancer, but, you know, all is good in the world. It's like, no. He still has to have that horrible procedure and this, you know, we have to give her this horrible drug, but it's, yeah. You got to, you know, what magic. Show, which you got to choose the, you know, the movie on the hospital television, and, you know, we've got an amazing charity that's helping to support us. You know, it's about finding, existing with them both, and then you're able to change that filter on your experience and make it not so bad. And I also witnessed it. Whilst in the, you know, children's cancer ward, what I would consider one of the worst ways to approach, a tough time in your life, which is, you know, I saw some parents who fell apart and their obsession over everything that was going on and everything negative, and they couldn't find anything positive. And I, you know, I kind of had the blessing of witnessing two extremes in dealing with things and made a conscious choice, the way I was gonna show up. And I feel like if whatever, whatever people are going through with their children, if a parent is 100% obsessed and can't see any negatives, I mean, can't see any positives, all they're seeing is the negatives, then that's not gonna be helpful for anyone either.
And that's where some, you know, some tools can really help make a difference, even little things like the glitter, finding the glitter in the day is just one of the tools in, in the journal that we've put together. Little things like training our children in mindfulness in simple ways. It turns out that, coloring in is incredibly powerful for a child to do actually adults too, definitely. Oh, you know, a great way, and I'm probably, you know, preaching to the converted to your listeners here, and, you know, listening to your wisdom over the time, but one of the things that we found really, really beneficial was just a simple coloring, you know, a child in hospital, there's not a whole lot that they can do actively. But that's something that Sophie could engage in. And, you know, we would do a little bit of coloring and the time would just disappear and it would be such a soothing, positive thing to do. So one of the things we incorporated in this booklet that we've put together to support kids, is a little bit of color.
Laura: I love that. I have a focus on glitter. There's a game that I like, a mindfulness game that I like to play with kids that helps them tap into a beginner's mind, which is also a wonderful way to get into positivity and to wonder, and, you know, a, you know, which are so good for us. So, and you can do it from anywhere, no matter what's going on. You just pretend as if you are brand new to the earth and everything delights you. Oh, like it's, I mean, and it's a fun game that kids like to play and it's, it's so silly like, oh my gosh, we have a fork. Look at this thing. It's designed to get the food from our plate into our mouth, like what, like, oh my God. This is a straw like it exists to help water get in more easily to our mouths, like, you know, just having that like. You know, I think wonder joy, are forms of positivity, right? So I think about when I do my gratitude journal or if I were to do a glitter journal, which I actually really like and I like the distinction. Most of it, that for me would be a little bit of wonder and awe, like, yeah, I, you know, I just, I love the science of awe and wonder too, and it's very beautiful, but I like that game for kids because it helps them access the beginner's mind. Nice.
Christine: One of the things that we included in this journal that we created that really helped us through this time as well is, like a bit of future casting. So it's not every day that they have to do this, but sprinkled throughout is dreaming about who you want to be. And what does that look like? And for Sophie, she'd just started kindergarten, which I don't know if that translates to the US, but it's the first year of school. And as far as she could really think ahead and dream about was, getting to the top of that primary schooling, which is about 12. And for a 6 year old, dreaming of her 12-year-old self, you know, is, that's, that's a long way in the future for us. But, you know, getting really detailed and visual for her with what she wanted her life to look like. That's another really positive thing, and visualizing herself at the time, she couldn't even really walk very well. They kept telling her she needed a wheelchair and she completely refused, which meant I did a lot of carrying of her. But no, she said, no, I'm not sick enough, I can walk. And just because she could walk 5 steps didn't mean she. Walk the whole corridor of the hospital. But anyway, she was determined. But, at the time, she couldn't really walk very well. And, her dream that she cast for herself was, Mommy, one day I'm going to be able to walk 10 kilometers, because she knew that 1 kilometer was a very long way, and 10 was a very big number. So one day she said, Mommy, one day I'm gonna be able to walk 10 kilometers. And, the day that she did that, she set that goal when she was 6, the day that she did that, she was 10, and it was, one of the most joyous occasions for my family.
And I think we forget the power of helping children realize their dreams and working out what their dreams are and then helping them go out and get them. And every day we would talk about, okay, let's see if we can walk two corridors of the hospital today. And, training the children in the joy of celebrating tiny milestones. I think too often as adults, we don't give ourselves permission to be happy until we achieve the big goal. And we've forgotten that art of celebrating the process. And, that's what we've tried to distill into some of the prompts within this booklet that we've created, because I think it is a bit of a lost art. And one of the, the positive psychology books that I've read that it's really accessible for everybody. You don't have to have a background in it, is the happiness advantage. You, you may be familiar with it. Just, just a delightful book. But one of the lines in that book. Just spoke to me. And it was that, celebrations are the oxygen of big potential. And that's when I realized, oh. I, the oxygen for Sophie, that's gonna help her get through this scary time is to celebrate every tiny little milestone. And the celebrations don't have to be throwing a party all the time, but it's that little fist pump. It's the you know, acknowledgment. Yeah, the joy of, like, we created these little sticker charts for her. And, all right, every time you take that horrible medicine, we're giving ourselves a sticker. Every time you are able to walk for yourself, you know, astonishing, it started with 10 steps, 10 steps. We need 10 steps. And that's the start of your journey to that 10 kilometers.
Laura: So holding up those little things to the light so they can sparkle, right? Because if we don't do that, you know, if we don't take that conscious step to hold it up to the light, it can't sparkle.
Christine: Yeah, that's right. Because in our society, you know, we've grown up with, okay, you, you celebrate when you graduate. You celebrate when you're done. And it's like, oh, actually, we've got this backwards. If we don't celebrate along the way, we're postponing our happiness, and if the celebration is the oxygen, how are we gonna climb the mountain? You know, we need oxygen to climb the mountain.
Laura: Yeah, that makes complete sense. I feel really curious. I love these conversations where I just get sucked in with someone. So thank you for sharing with me. I, you know, I'm thinking about it. The mindset it took for you to be in the situation and to be seeking these opportunities. And I'm really curious about, cause I don't, I'm not sure everybody could do that. I'm not, I mean, I understand there's tools and things to learn and, and we can all learn those things. But I, you know, I'm not sure everybody could be faced with what you were faced with. And develop a philosophy from it, like being available consciously for that growth opportunity, right? So, I mean, you were faced with the situation and you viewed it as a growth opportunity and I'm just kind of curious if, you know, before, if there was if the before this happened, if there were things you did, you know, parts of your own like mental and emotional training or habits that you think helped you be available for that growth opportunity when it was presented to you. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you know what I'm asking?
Christine: That's a really good question, I guess.
Laura: Like, I know you're, you're an athlete, right? Like I know that you were, you know, and so I'm just, I feel curious about if you can pinpoint aspects of your kind of your former life that made you available for transformation.
Christine: I think there's probably a couple of aspects to my prior life. And, one of, one of those, it, I guess it's probably fairly intense, but when I was 19, 1 of my close friends was murdered, and, I guess I had to face. Something that most teenagers don't have to face, fortunately, and in that, fragility of life at a time when I still felt invincible. And I think I have to go through that and grow through that. Probably formed part of the person I grew up to be. And a lot of my life decisions were made knowing that Kim didn't get the privilege of having this choice. And I think by placing that lens over my life has helped me face things that others may find daunting with the view, well, Kim couldn't do this, Kim didn't have this privilege, she didn't have this choice. I owe it to her to not hold myself back because we don't know how long we get. And when Sophie was diagnosed, I didn't know how long she'd get. So I approached every single day I'd learned when I was 19, how to get up, put 1 ft in front of the other, and go on with life, with her in my heart. And I think from there, I've learned, okay, I am going to get up, put 1 ft in front of the other, and every day be the best version of myself that I can be on this day for her. Whilst also allowing myself that grace, that this is hard. And I learned. I've learned how to ask for help. I've learned, I don't have to do this by myself. When, when my friend was murdered, there was support, there was counseling, and I've learned through that professionals are an important part of that coping process.
So, you know, you, you know that yourself, that's what you exist for, but I didn't do all of this myself. The hospital had counselors available for parents. And, from my past experience, I knew that that's a service that I needed to get through this. And I feel like, that's what I allowed myself to embrace, and having that support meant meant that I had the reserves to be able to show up as the the parent and the person that I wanted to be, so that I could be a light for Sophie, so that I could be a light for others. So I think that's an important part of who I knew to be and what I knew to draw up. And, it was actually through this process that I guess I started evolving further, and, there, a few months into Sophie's journey, I had a series of strokes and pseudoaneurysms, and, I was actually told that you probably won't live through the night.
And, my husband, because I was upstairs on the critical care acute stroke ward, fortunately, in the same hospital. My husband was downstairs with my daughter, and, I, he, you know, she was in a critical condition that night too. So I couldn't call him and say, be here with me. My friend had been with me that day, the same friend who was there. You know, for us when Sophie was diagnosed, but, I said. I said to my neurologist that I'm needed here. I'm staying with. I have too much to do. And I wrote letters to my family in case I didn't make it through the night. Hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've kept them for one day. They may be needed, but they're there. And you see, I'd already seen. I've already seen my daughter. Overcome the odds, I'd, I knew that, While there's breath in this body, there is hope, and I was, I don't know, determined. I thought, right, I'm just gonna stay up all night.
That'll solve the problem. I didn't. It turns out that I ended up actually sleeping 6 hours, the nurse told me. And I did wake up the next day and I was experiencing a series of really scary symptoms. At times I lost, I'd lost the ability to talk. And, I had nothing physically wrong with me, but I'd, at that point in time, lost the ability to walk because I'd lost depth perception. So I've been telling Sophie to celebrate 10 steps. I just did the same for myself. Okay. I had to start from like two steps, but, and I had to, cause it, when I'd survived, they said, okay. It's a miracle you're here because your condition is usually only picked up postmortem. And I, so I knew, okay. I, perhaps I am meant to be here. And what is my mission? And that's where the glitter philosophy and the glitter journal for kids really was born from, because I learned what I'd been teaching Sophie. I applied it to myself. Step by step, day by day. They told me, you'll, we will, we're hoping that we'll get you to walk again. I'd lost the, the, the ability to talk was coming and going. And that's more scary, let me tell you, than not being able to walk.
Laura: But I think for some of us probably, yeah, yeah, really scary.
Christine: But they said, we think we'll get you talking again, we think we'll get you walking again, but you are never gonna play sports again. And, and I said to him, well, you didn't think I was gonna live. And at the time going through my head was, okay, well, what's the hardest thing I could do? Right, I'm gonna get a black belt in karate. And I'd done karate when I was a kid, and I'd, I'd been quite good at it, but I'd stopped at green belt, so I, I didn't have a lot of karate in my background. And, at this point in time, I was in my early, early 40s, so it was a long way in my background. And I had been relatively healthy because part of my coping strategy was whenever Sophie was out of hospital, I'd go for a 5k jog. So I wasn't unfit, you know, it's it's all relative. You know, super fit people would think that's nothing, but a lot of people would think that's a lot. But, I went. You know, back to. Walking down the hospital corridor was my first goal.
And, so it took 6 months of rehab before I could even get into a dojo. But I did. I got in there and, bit by bit, like, it was difficult doing even the most basic karate moves at the start, but I built my way up to a world title and a black belt. And, it was last year that I achieved the world title and the, and the black belt. And, I think that this philosophy has evolved. Three, you know, what I faced when I was 19 through Sophie's diagnosis, my own challenges, and then the martial arts journey where it is like, perfect system because they celebrate along the way to the mountain. If the black belt was the first time you got to celebrate, no one would ever get there. Right, of course, yeah. So that, you know, celebrations being the oxygen of big potential. That the whole martial arts system is set up that way.
Laura: And I love that perspective. Some of the families that I talked to who have kiddos in martial arts, sometimes wonder if all of the belt ceremonies are money grabs, you know, so much more to it, and I really love the way that you're highlighting that. Okay, I have a question for you, and again, I want to be respectful of your time, but a lot of my listeners have often have one, maybe more, but one kid who has more challenges than the others, you know, who's who's facing hurdles in their lives, or who's is simply more challenging to be, you know, a parent too. And we always wonder about the siblings. And I'm, I'm curious about, what your experience was like with your other kids in these moments, and And what there if they've talked to you and have, if you have their permission to share what their experience has been like being you know, I mean, gosh, having their sister go through a major illness, their mom go through a major illness, it's a lot. And I'm kind of curious about, about these, these kids, you know, and how to support them too, as they, you know, may feel pushed to the side or less important. Which happens sometimes.
Christine: 100%. And it is something that weighed on me very heavily because there were so many months where I hardly got to spend any time with my other two children. And, I could have dwelt on the guilt for that or found a different way to process it. And, I think that the attitude that we approached it with was. Quality time over quantity time, and having wherever possible, we were guided to have one on one time. And it would be that, sometimes I'd tag team with my husband. He would come and sit with Sophie in the hospital for a while, bring the other two, and, I would take the others one at a time to the hospital playground. And fortunately, most children's hospitals have an amazing playground, by the way. Just FYI, if you ever find yourself there, there will be one. You just have to find it somewhere. And, you know, my son was, you know, 3, 4, and 5 when we were going through this time. And going and playing pirate ships with Mom for an hour was like, just joy for him. And I think, when we're faced with these times where one child has to have more of our attention and our focus, an hour of playing pirate ships with one is just so powerful, so incredible. And it's not about what you're doing, it's about who you're being when you're doing it. And if you can be so present with that child, that you are captain Hook for that hour, and you are 100% with them and they're and existing for them, just imagine how much you can pack into that hour that a parent who isn't consciously thinking about this might might not give that much quality to their child in a presence.
Laura: Yeah. I really, I want to just say that again for the listener. It's not what you're doing, but who you are being while you're doing it. Yeah, I really like that a lot because sometimes I think we think we have to be doing all of these fabulous things, but really what the kids want is us.
Christine: Yes, that's right. And, I know stay at home moms who still have guilt about, you know, how, what they're doing with their child, and, and it turned, you know, it really distills down to who you are when you're with the child? And, you know, I also have friends who have to drop their child off at before school care, and they're still there after school care, and they feel like all they're doing is feeding them and putting them to bed. And my advice to them is, well, do a glitter journal with them before bed, because, That is going to be such quality time, where you're training them in so many things at once, and, read a story, just be present. That 20 minutes, if that's all you get with them, I guarantee you that 20 minutes is enough if it is not 20 minutes before bed where all you're doing is thinking about, oh, I just want to go and watch Netflix. If you're giving them 20 minutes of quality time and attention and knowing that netflix is later, that that's coming, you'll get your down time, but you can be the best version of yourself for that 20 minutes, then you are giving your child everything they need, and, allowing themselves to, to feel like they can be enough, they can do enough, and, It's just who they're being and what they're choosing to do with that time, is what's really magical and, and gives them the ability to be an amazing parent and raise the most incredible children. It's just what are you doing with that time and who are you being in that time.
Laura: I really like that. I think that we're often scared that we don't have enough time. And I really like the invitation to simply make the most of the time we do have to think of it less around the quantity and much more about the quality. Thank you, Christina, let me just let me say thank you for letting me take you on a very winding journey with lots of questions. I so appreciate your openness and your vulnerability, in sharing your story and all you've learned along the way.
Christine: It is really, really a privilege, and I do often think, okay, I think I'm here for a reason. What is it? Maybe this is it. Maybe I can help spark something and help parents, you know, find a way to, to be more joyful and I guess parenting can be a heavy load. How can we make it less guilt-ridden, less challenging and more sparkly?
Laura: Yeah, I love that. I feel so privileged to have been able to hear from you and, and meet you and get to learn from you. And I just also want to say, When we think about ourselves being here for a purpose, you obviously are. And I also think even if you've never written the book and your impact was. Just within your family and the people you touched personally. You would have fulfilled your purpose too, even if it was just with your kids, you know, so I think it's important for us as moms to know. Sometimes we think we have to have this global reach, cause our world is so global now, but what a purpose it would have been if it had just been you and your 3 kids, you know.
Christine: Yeah, thank you.
Laura: And the ripple that they'll have.
Christine: Yeah, yeah. And Sophie definitely is. She's having an impact and, and a ripple effect. And I feel like that's wonderful. And you know what? It's not like, you know, one and done, she's positive for life. No. We still have to revisit this. When she started high school, it was challenging. It was new, new kids, new challenges, and we had to really revisit. Retraining her to add that filter of positivity back in, and fortunately we've got the tools and we keep it, you know, we keep it going, but it's, it's not like, you know, we can do 3 weeks of a glitter journal and hey presto, we've fixed our kid, they set, you know, it's, it's, you know, it's our brains are always growing and changing and we have to keep giving the input to keep going, keep them going the direction we want them to be going.
Laura: Yeah, that's exactly right.
Christine: And for myself. Sometimes I find myself slippy.
Laura: It's like, oh, it's okay. I can get back on track.
Christine: Yeah, I mean, human development happens across the lifespan, not just in childhood, right? Yeah. So I guess that's something, something to leave the listeners thinking about. It's like growing and evolving, and, and if we fall off the wagon, we just get back on it.
Laura: Yeah, I love that. Okay, so Christine tell us where folks can get your glitter journal.
Christine: Wow, it is available on Amazon. But if you struggle finding anything at any time, just go to my website, it's christineyly.com, where we have a wealth of resources they can get. The books, the journals, and I just read a bit more about us and our journey regularly updating the blog.
Laura: So, gosh, I come and connect. Yeah, I, I've just loved getting to know you. Thank you so much.
Christine: Thank you, Laura. It was a lovely conversation. It ended up in all sorts of places I wasn't expecting. It was just a privilege to have a chat with.
Laura: I, thank you for going on that wandering journey with me.
Christine: My pleasure.
Okay, so thanks for listening today. Remember to subscribe to the podcast and if it was helpful, leave me a review that really helps others find the podcast and join us in this really important work of creating a parenthood that we don't have to escape from and creating a childhood for our kids that they don't have to recover from.
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All right. That's it for me today. I hope that you keep taking really good care of your kids and your family and each other and most importantly of yourself. And just to remember, balance is a verb and you're already doing it. You've got this!