Episode 29: The "No Rules" Approach to Parenting with Dr. Jacob Kashiwagi

Growing up you were likely told by your parents what to do, how to do things, how to behave, etc. And because of how you were brought up, you bring with you these learned values in parenting your children. And even though you are working toward embracing more relationship-focused, respectful approaches, you likely still have the tendency to control your kids' lives (I know I do!).

But what if you grew up in a house with no rules...

In this new podcast episode, I am joined by Dr. Jacob Kashiwagi who is an author of the No-Influence Leadership Theory. He believes that letting go of control, stepping back, and giving your kids the freedom to experiment on what they like to do and what they're capable of, will make them more confident and more responsible.

So, here is the overview of the principles you need to follow in LETTING GO OF CONTROL IN RAISING YOUR CHILDREN according to Dr. Kashiwagi:

• Individual-centered - Observe your child as an individual and follow their lead so that understand who your child truly is.

• Simplicity-structured - Kids need simplicity in their lives. If you need to tell them something or give them instructions, keep it short, sweet, and simple. Say less. Keep the environment simple and uncluttered.

• Action-focused - Let your kids learn by doing, and encourage them to take the next right action. Just do something different that will take them to the next step in their self-defined goals.

Connect with Dr. Jacob Kashiwagi on LinkedIn to know more about his work and check out his books HERE. You can download a free preview copy of his book “Understanding Teenagers and Encouraging Their Success” and other books of your choice.

If you are looking to find more balance in your lives and in your parenting, join me in conversations with my free Facebook Group: Balanced Parenting Community. See you there!

Episode 28: How to be Intentional in Dividing Parenting Roles with Stacy Spensley

The transition from being a couple to becoming new parents is overwhelming. You're SLEEP DEPRIVED, EXHAUSTED, AND ISOLATED. And it's even more challenging when you and your partner have misunderstandings about your roles as parents.

So, is there a way for you not to feel overwhelmed and isolated? Is there a way for you and your partner to find balance and know what your roles are?

In this episode, that is exactly Stacy Spensley and I will be talking about. It is a privilege for me to interview Stacy, who is a coach, a teacher, and Semi Crunchy Mama to 3 amazing kids. She's one of the persons that helped me overcome my challenges as I started my journey as a parent (even though we didn't really know each other! I was just a fan of her blog).

Join us as we discuss the strategies to be intentional in dividing your parenting roles. Here are a few tips that we will be talking about:

1) Be clear on what your true needs are. Your partner cannot expect to meet your needs if they don't know exactly what you need from them.

2) Communicate with your partner with clarity and compassion.

3) Consistently check-in and figure out what's working and what's not.​

If you want to know more about Stacy Spensley and how to be a Semi-Crunchy Mama, visit here website HERE. You can also follow her through her Facebook and Instagram.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BE TRUE PARTNERS IN PARENTING?

Do you believe you and your partner need to be a "united front" for this parenting thing to work, but you don't know how to get there? I AM HERE TO HELP YOU GET CLEAR, CONNECTED, AND ALIGNED WITH YOUR PARTNER.

Episode 27: How to Truly Feel your Feelings to Access Healing, Resilience, and True Happiness with Dr. Jen Riday

You know, a lot of us FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE when big feelings come up. Feelings such as FEAR, ANXIETY, SADNESS, FRUSTRATION, and any other negative emotions can easily make us freak out and panic. They are uncomfortable and trigger unwanted thoughts such as "I can't handle this" or "this is horrible, I need to push it down" linger on our minds which makes us even more anxious. And the more you try to numb your negative feelings, the more it backfires. It's this vicious cycle.

Dr. Jen Riday who is a mom of 6 with a Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Studies and host of the Vibrant Happy Women Podcast and she gives you ALL THE TOOLS to help you regulate those emotions and move from panic and despair to vibrancy & joy.

So, in this episode, I am thrilled to have discussed with her these tools that you can add to your toolbox and access HEALING, RESILIENCE, AND TRUE HAPPINESS. Here is an overview of what you are going to learn:

1) FEEL IT TO HEAL IT METHOD - You need to face any negative situation and the emotions that come with it. Learn to actually embrace and regulate your feelings, and when you do, your emotional wounds will be healed and you'll be a lot stronger.

2) BE HER Morning Ritual - Breathe, Exercise, Hydrate, Embody, and Read (Be sure to listen to learn more!)

To know more about Dr. Riday and what she does, visit her website and follow her on Instagram and Facebook.

Soothe yourself when you are triggered so you can parent consciously and intentionally. Practice SELF COMPASSION MEDITATION BY DOWNLOADING THIS AUDIO.

And if you LOVE this conversation, be sure to check out her upcoming, all-inclusive retreat! I'm going, and while I'll be teaching a session on Respectful Parenting, I'll also be participating and learning. I'd love to do that alongside you and get to meet you in person, in a safe, socially distanced way! MORE INFO HERE.

Episode 26: How to Use Mindfulness in Your Parenting with Megan Harris

You know, just like us parents, our kids have big feelings when they are stressed. Just like us they feel overwhelmed, angry, sad; the full range of human emotions. But unlike us, their brains aren't fully developed and they have less experience regulating those emotions, which leads to big displays of feelings, like tantrums and meltdowns that can leave parents feeling confused and overwhelmed.

So, the question is, how can we help our kids learn more about their feelings and how to regulate them, while at the same time regulating ourselves? This is where mindful awareness of our emotions and states come in. It not only helps us be better-regulated parents, who can take a breath, soothe, and then RESPOND rather than REACT to our kids, but we are also modeling really powerful skills for our kids. And we teach them that their feelings are valid, that it's okay to not be okay sometimes, and that they are never alone with their big feelings; they have a partner.

In this episode, I am excited to discuss MINDFULNESS IN YOUR PARENTING with Megan Harris. She's a wonderful mom who aims to empower us to parent through thoughtful instruction, natural consequences, and emotional connection. Here is an overview of our wonderful talk:

1. How to teach mindfulness to your child

• My freebie Build Self-Regulation through Play can help your kids self-regulate their emotions through fun activities they will love! DOWNLOAD IT HERE.

2. Why is mindfulness useful for your child

3. How can parents benefit from practicing mindfulness

Episode 25: After A Fight - How to Repair and Reconnect

We've all been there. What starts out as a simple disagreement gets away from us. We get angry or triggered, we say things we don't mean. And now we feel misunderstood and disconnected. It's so hard in that moment to know what to do to bridge that gap, to make up, to reconnect. But it is SO IMPORTANT that you do.

Because fights and arguments are inevitable. No matter what you do, there will be instances where you and your partner disagree because you're human and that's part of being in a long-term relationship with someone! In fact, research tells us that successful couples and couples that break up have the same amount of disagreements, on average, but the WAY successful couples disagree is different. And one thing that successful couples consistently do is repair and reconnect after a disagreement.

So in this episode, join me as I share the strategies to repair and reconnect with your partner after you've had a fight.

Here’s an overview of what I will be talking about:

1. How to nurture resilient relationships:

• Preventive Maintenance - If the relationship is important to you, then you have to invest in filling your emotional bank account with positivity. So that when things get hard, you have a positive relationship to fall back on.

  • My relationship building game: Random Acts of Connection is a great way to do that! DOWNLOAD IT HERE.

• Take a break - Recognize that your body needs it and accept it. During these breaks, calm and soothe your nervous system.

• Apologize - I'll teach you how to apologize the "right" way!

2. How to reconnect after a fight:

• Talk to your partner and determine the best way for you to reconnect

• Know your partner’s love language

• Reaffirm your commitment with one another

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BE TRUE PARTNERS IN PARENTING?

Do you still find yourself having the same disagreements over and over, without actually resolving anything? Let me help you GAIN CLARITY, UNDERSTANDING, AND START COMMUNICATING with your partner through my course PARTNERS IN PARENTING.

​​LEARN MORE HERE!​

​The course starts on October 1st, and since this is the first time I've offered the course you can get in now at a great price.

Episode 24: Liberated Living - Decolonizing Parenting and Education

School is different this year. It just is. For many of us it may seem that we have very little say in the matter, and very little support as we try to figure this all out. But what if we flipped that script?

​What if we saw the opportunity in this unique moment in time. What if we used this school year to make more conscious and informed decisions when it comes to our children's education? What if we used this as a catalyst to look more closely at a system that isn't just broken and failing, but was actually built to be that way? What if we embraced this moment in history as an opportunity to re-think how and what children should learn?
​
When my guest this week on the podcast, Chemay Morales-James, who is a social liberation education activist, became a parent and looked the educational resources available to her family, she didn't see her child in any of the materials. She wanted them to grow up seeing themselves and knowing that their histories, perspectives, and futures matter. Out of this, My Reflection Matters was born. She writes more about why we should really think hard about going back to schooling as usual, when we can choose freedom instead here, and she raises a lot of great points.
​
As an avid fan of her work for years, I was THRILLED when she agreed to come and chat with us. In this episode, join us as we discuss decolonizing parenting and education and what it takes to raise a truly liberated child. Chemay shares her ample experience as an educational equity consultant and tells us about her new parent-support resource: My Reflection Matters Village, which is still enrolling. The mission of the village is to create a co-learning space where the power of education is placed back in the hands of families and gives families the opportunity and guidance they need to "opt-out" of an educational system built on control and oppression.

​More info here: https://my-reflection-matters.mn.co/​

​I'm so excited to share this episode with you. The resources and materials that My Reflection Matters provide have been helpful for me over the years as I have tried to supplement my child's public education and encouraged her teachers to be more inclusive and culturally aware. I hope you at the very least go and follow them on Facebook!

DOWNLOAD THE THREE R’s WORKBOOK HERE to create rhythms, rituals, and routines that will keep you grounded in your values as you deal with the new mode of education during the pandemic.

Episode 23: The Path to Dynamic Joy with Dr. Lynyetta Willis

In this episode, join me as I sit down with Dr. Lynyetta Willis, a psychologist, and a family coach. We will talk about how you can bring harmony and joy to your family, parenting, and relationships. Ultimately, preventing yourself from falling into a pit of stable misery.

She will be sharing with you the roadmap to joy through P.A.T.H.S:

• Perspective - Be mindful of the stories you tell yourself and evaluate it if it is true or helpful to you

• Awareness - Be aware of your emotions and how people respond to you. And learn from it.

• Tools - Know the tools that are helpful to you in dealing with your stresses such as taking deep breaths or reading books

• Heal - Help each other in your family to come up with solutions for them to heal what needs to be healed

• Self-empowerment - Figure out ways and find out where can you find power in uncontrolled situations.

To get a copy of the Release Stable Misery Roadmap workbook, download it here:

www.healingstablemisery.com

Follow her on her website and social media accounts:

Website: www.drlwillis.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/drlwillis

Facebook: www.facebook.com/DrLWillis

If you want to bring more connection, ease, and joy to your daily life, DOWNLOAD THE THREE R’S WORKBOOK (A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Rhythms, Routines, and Rituals) HERE:

https://laurafroyen.mykajabi.com/pl/153682

Bonus Episode! After School Meltdowns

Back to school is ALWAYS hard on kids and parents. The transitions, change, new expectations, all make this time taxing on little one's growing brains and bodies. And you can expect this to be even more intense this year. I'm hearing from parents from all over the world, in all different learning settings, that this time is really challenging.

I'm here to help! In this "Back to School" Edition of the podcast we will explore WHY after school meltdowns happen and HOW to help our kiddos (and ourselves).

Don't forget to share the show on Instagram and tag me @laurafroyenphd! 

Here is an overview of what I will be talking about:

1. Causes of your child's after school meltdowns:

• It is developmental. Your kids, no matter how old, may have a hard time regulating themselves at school or attending virtual classes. And it takes a lot of regulation and executive functioning to stay quiet and stay seated, to focus on screens so long AND navigate new social interactions and norms. It is EXAUSTING for their sweet little brains and bodies.

• You are a safe place for them. You are the person that they know who will love them even if they act unlovable. And so they unload on you and show you all the sides of themselves they've been pushing down all day.

2. Three things to do when meltdowns happen:

• Shift your mindset - These meltdowns are not personal but they're developmental. Allow your kids to have these meltdowns because it can be very healthy and healing for them. They NEED it and they need YOU to help them co-regulate.

• Figure out how to restock their self-regulation stores. Do they need a snack and water? Do they need a giggle fest or a wrestling match? Do they need a big cry or a warm bath?

• Hold space for their big feelings. Just accept them and love them.

Ok, so now it's your turn to tell me: How has the start of the school year gone for you?
​
​And if this episode helps you, please do a screen-grab video of your favorite bit and share it on Instagram and tag me.

Parents everywhere need to know they aren't alone in experiencing these after school meltdowns and they NEED these strategies! Sharing really helps get the word out!

And, if you're interested in helping your kids develop more self regulation, check out this new freebie I made for you! It has my absolute favorite games for helping kids build impulse control and executive functioning. These things are like muscles and the more we practice them the easier they get, leaving kids better equipped to handle the stress and demands of school.
​
​Grab your copy here!

Episode 22: Understanding How Technology Affects the Brain

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Shimi Kang, who is an award-winning, Harvard-trained doctor, and author of the book The Tech Solution. With the changes brought by the pandemic, we revert to the use of technology to fill in our daily normal routine. This mindless use of technology can lead to health consequences. So, Dr. Kang will share with us how technology will affect the brain and the ways on how to manage our children’s tech consumption.

Here’s an overview of what we will be talking about:

• The Kinds of Tech

• The 3 C’s of Healthy Tech Use

• How-to Guide Your Children towards Healthy Tech Use

You can find all of her website and social media here:

Website: https://www.drshimikang.com/

Social Media:

https://www.instagram.com/drshimikang/

https://www.facebook.com/drshimikang

https://twitter.com/drshimikang

DOWNLOAD THIS WEEK’S BALANCED BITE!

This balanced bite will give you ways on how to have a healthy approach towards the use of technology.

Episode 21: Why the Pandemic is so Hard on Kids in the 3-5 Range, and How to Help Them

The pandemic had brought so many changes in society. It affected the way we live and how we socially interact with others. For kids in the 3-5 age range who are still developing social skills, this situation is quite discouraging for them, leading them to act out. 

So in this episode, I will be discussing the following key developmental reasons why your children in this age range are struggling with the changes we are experiencing right now:

• Reliance on parents for self-regulation

• Difficulty deriving a sense of security and stability

• Missing their friends

• Means of Communication

• The difficulty of making meanings

DOWNLOAD THIS WEEK’S BALANCED BITE!

This balanced bite teaches you ways to help your kids in the 3-5 age range in coping up with social isolation due to the pandemic.

Episode 20: How to Manage Differences Between You and Your Partner When it Comes to Parenting

When you've already been in a conflicting conversation with your partner, there's an environment of criticism, blame, and defensiveness. In this episode, I talk about how to manage parenting differences between you and your partner.

Here's an overview of what I'll be discussing in this episode:

• Start having more positive conversations around parenting.

• Really working hard on your personal delivery when you're asking or requesting change.

• Focus on modeling what you want to see.

I am also sharing my free Partners in Parenting workbook which you can download here:

• GET THE PARTNERS IN PARENTING WORKBOOK HERE

And, if you’re ready to take the next step and get real support in finally feeling like you and your partner are a team, I’d love to invite you to check out my new course:

Partners in Parenting

If you do have any questions or concerns at all about this episode, please don't hesitate to shoot me a message on instagram @laurafroyenphd. For shownotes and more episodes checkout www.laurafroyen.com/podcast

Episode 19: Your Health Matters

In this episode, I welcome you my new guest Alison Coombs, a personal trainer and a Pelvic Health Specialist. We discuss about how to stay balanced when you feel grounded.

You'll also learn the importance of having a community that supports you. And understand that we don’t have to get to that rock bottom in order for us to realize that our health matters. 

DOWNLOAD THIS WEEK’S BALANCED BITE!

You can find links to all of Alison’s social media account, website, and upcoming free class below:

Website:

www.alisoncoombs.com

Social Media:

IG- www.instagram.com/alisonvcoombs

Sign up for Alison’s free class HERE!

Bonus Episode! 10 Lessons from 10 Years of Marriage

Did you know that marital satisfaction plummets after you have your first child and it doesn't start to recover after that child is 3 years old? In this bonus episode, I share 10 lessons from 10 years of marriage. Enjoy and let me know if you have questions!

Episode 18: How to move from Reactivity to Responsiveness

In this episode, I sit down with Mariela Ortiz, a wellness coach for moms and their kids. We discuss the process of moving from being reactive to being responsive as a parent, what to do when you’re triggered, and some more tips on how to respond from your deeper goals and intentions for your child and for your relationship with them.

DOWNLOAD THIS WEEK’S BALANCED BITE

You can find links to all of Mariela's social media accounts, website, and upcoming summit below:

Website:

www.marielaortiz.com

Social media:

IG- @marielaortiz.wellness

Facebook- marielaortiz.wellness

Sign up for Mariela’s summit HERE!

Episode 17: Three Tips for Parenting Conflict

Have you ever had an argument with your other half in front of your kids? Are small conflicts disturbing the peace between you and your partner? Come and join me in this episode as I discuss three tips for parenting conflict.

I am also sharing my free Partners in Parenting workbook which you can download here:

• GET THE PARTNERS IN PARENTING WORKBOOK HERE

This week’s balanced bite teaches you the three tips for parenting conflict. So be sure to download it here:

• DOWNLOAD THIS WEEK'S BALANCED BITE BY FILLING OUT THE FORM BELOW

Episode 16: Five Common Problem Solving Mistakes

In this episode, I talk about the 5 common problem-solving mistakes parents make when confronting their kids about an unsolved problem and I also discuss 5 tips to make your problem-solving conversations more effective with your kids.

If you want more support in learning how to solve problems collaboratively I’m holding a workshop soon! You can get all the details by emailing me here: laura@laurafroyen.com

DOWNLOAD THIS WEEK’S BALANCED BITE

This week’s balanced bite shows you the 5 tips to make your problem-solving conversations more effective with your kids.

Episode 15: Setting Effective Limits in Five Simple Steps

In this episode I  walk you through the process of setting limits with compassion and respect. Its a simple process but not always easy to implement and so I give you some examples and pointers as well.

If you want more support in learning how to bring this type of parenting to life in your family, please join me in my new course:

Respectful Parenting 101. 

Episode 14: Getting on the Same Page as Parents (feat. my husband Dan Lynch)

In this episode I sat down with my amazing husband Dan to answer YOUR burning questions about getting on the same page as parents. We discussed everything from how he realized that he couldn't just parent from instinct anymore, his favorite ways to learn about parenting (Surprise! It's not from me!), how we navigate parenting mistakes and disagreements, and how he opened up to the idea of seeking out support and therapy.

We cover a lot of ground, come listen in!

Don't forget to sign up for this week's webinar HERE!

The questions that guided this episode were submitted by folks in my Balanced Parenting Community on Facebook.

If hearing us talk about our conversations about goals, core values, and priorities sounded nice and you’re thinking you’d like to have a similar conversation with your partner, then I have just the tool for you! And it’s free!

WORKBOOK: Partners in Parenting

Resources pertinent to this episode:

Gottman’s book The Heart of Parenting (affiliate link)

Episode 13: Getting to the Root Cause of Misbehavior & Helping Kids Get on a Different Path

In this episode I sit down with my colleague and kindred spirit Marlene Spence, parent educator and child behavior strategist. We discuss how to figure out what a child's behavior is communicating to you and then how to support them in meeting your expectations. We also discuss what positive reinforcement REALLY means, and how to use it in a way that doesn't undermine your respectful parenting goals. 

Wondering what’s next?

Well, if you are ready to take the next step in your respectful parenting journey, if you’re wanting to get super clear on what exactly positive or peaceful parenting is and how it can change your family for the better; I want to invite you to my free training happening next week.

You can find links to all of Marlene's social media accounts, websites, and upcoming workshops below:

Websites:
www.marlenespence.com

www.Rewardum.com (Her amazing modular, restickable schedule system!)

Socials:

IG- @cornerstonefs
IG- @rewardums
And register for her workshops that she mentioned! CLICK HERE!

Episode 12: Five Secrets for Raising Connected & Cooperative Teens

In this episode I sit down with my colleague Michael Arterberry who works with teens helping them make sense of their lived experiences and find their purpose. He shares his wisdom gained from his own healing experience, his experience as a father of two teens, and years of working with teens from all backgrounds. Specifically you will find tips for how to maintain connection with your child through the teen years and how to find balance between letting them have autonomy and keeping them safe. 

Ready to take action? I put the main takeaways from this episode in a handy cheat sheet you can grab here:

Five Secrets for Raising Connected and Cooperative Teens

You can find Michael and his work here:

www.michaelarterberry.com
www.facebook.com/michael.arterberry
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1137763009907833/

And don’t forget to check out his books!

Be Encouraged! 250 Days of Motivation and Encouragement

God Was Holding My Hand